“Home”

Tomorrow I go “home”
For the first time in 330 days, I am going back.
So much has changed in almost a year and yet, everything is the same as it was.
The ocean still blankets the shore, the grapes still ripen on the vine, and the sun still sets every night at 70 degrees farenheit (even in February).
Hair cuts have changed, waist lines have inhaled and exhaled, and hearts have expanded.
When I knew I was going back for sure, I was afraid.
Afraid that the peace I have found may be challenged, that the life we have made may be misunderstood, and my happiness may leave others excluded.
I turned it over the prayer.
Wracked with an anxiety that with the added rue of fear only grew until I couldn’t contain it.
It’s funny how “home” always carries with it the weight of history; histories both bountiful and badgered.
Would my loved ones give me the permission to BE who I am now or would they hold me to the hurt I caused by leaving?
I have prayed for days on end knowing the only one who could change my heart was God, and He did.
I have His peace surpassing my own understanding.
The fear fed me lies and I was a glutton.
I have purged that indulgence shedding the weight that it brought and now I am light with truth:
He stands by me & strengthens me.
He is for me so no one  can be against me.
So I am going home.
I am going back to hug the ones I love!
I am going back to laugh about the old memories & to make new ones.
I am going back home & leaving my home all at once.