Project Me

Before 2014 started, I decided to read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I had tapped into it with a friend a couple of years ago but had never read the book and chosen to dive in and I felt like I was ready now. It is an easy read in itself but filled with challenging concepts: essentially basic in forethought yet made complicated by our humanity to put in motion.

Each month Gretchen chose to focus on ONE area of improvement {Energy, Marriage, Work, Parenthood, Leisure, Friendship, Money, Eternity, Passion, Mindfulness Attitude}. This is going to sound lazy, kind of is, but I am not really wanting to focus on ONE concept per month so intensely. The idea exhausted me. In addition to her 12 Months of Resolutions she also wrote her own 12 Commandments. The 12 Commandments would serve as guidelines to make sure her decisions and actions were in line with her heart. I really liked this. It seemed more challenging to me to establish commandments that would direct me than drafting resolutions. So that’s what I did.

I borrowed some of Gretchen’s that fit my heart and then I sat down and really spent some hours and days pouring over what both would help me grow and acknowledged who I am. THAT felt healthy. I don’t want to change my passions and my God given gifts, but I DO want to grow in areas I know hold me back from His best for me. I came up with these:

Because I spent SO much time investing in drafting these 12 Commandments, they are almost engrained on my heart and I HEAR them in my soul on a daily basis.

Act Gently came from my struggle with my oldest child. If any of you have a slow-moving child, you may understand how frustrating it is to work around their sense of delay. I spent a really long time thinking I could push him with the “Hurry Up!”s and amping up my sense of urgency but the fact is, it doesn’t change his snail pace speed it just adds anxiety.  Therefore, I give him incremental time announcements, “10 minutes until school, buddy” and I have even realized that I have to be mentally 10 minutes ahead of time. This means if he has to be at school at 7:40, I have to act like 7:30 is the time we need to leave even though school is right.across.the.street. (Yes, kindergarten starts at 7:40am and YES I drive him across the street to school because I am NOT kidding about the snail’s pace). So, I want to Act Gently with him, embracing who God made him to be.

Keep A Record of Rights has become my favorite! I CANNOT tell you how it has calmed me down during points of disagreement. Last night my husband and I had an “agree to disagree” debate. My auto-pilot tends to go to the deep end and take a tally of everything he doesn’t do. I make him a demon and therefore myself righteous. It’s ugly. Last night was no exception in my desire to tailspin into anger with how amazing I am BUT instead I heard my commandment and decided to mentally go into keeping a record of rights: he got me coffee the other morning, he took the boys to the bathroom when we were out, he emptied the dishwasher, he organized the “chaos cabinet”, he is such a fun dad that wrestles and plays with the boys… Immediately my spirit calmed. I could feel the devil poking in there with, “but he doesn’t do the laundry, allegra” and I just fought back with more of my husbands awesomeness.

Run Toward It came from my introvert personality. Can I tell you the part I dislike about church the most?! It’s the part where the announcements end & they say, “now turn around and say hi to someone.” Our church goes even further and often (like yesterday) adds, “Say hi to someone next to you and tell them what you’re afraid of.” AHH! In my head I literally screamed, “THIS! I am afraid of THIS!” I don’t want to change that I’m an introvert because I think some really amazing gifts God gave me come from that, but I do think I could find even MORE of His best if I found ways to Run Toward people, conversations, etc. I just have to figure out what my God given way is. It might not be shaking the person’s hand behind me and admitting I literally loathe the sound and existence of frogs (or them ;-))  but I can hand a tissue to the person next to me when the church band plays “amazing grace” and the spirit moves them to tears. That is me running toward it.

I am perfectly imperfect. I am wrecked in ways only the Lord knows yet He chooses to love me and now I want to learn to love me too. I am choosing to focus on who I am and how God uses that for His people. I am choosing to love that I am quiet in a group and once you get to know me, I don’t hold anything back. I get to be me this year and love that. THAT is my happiness project.